I would never compare my child with someone else’s.
I will probably get a lot of negative response from this but I just wanted to put my own experience out here.
I grew up in a typical Chinese household. My parents immigrated from Hong Kong and China to provide my brother and I a better education and life. Basically, a better opportunity to shine. Unfortunately, many of my cousins and even my own brother, dropped out of college and so far, I am the only one who is currently attending a 4 year college. You might all say, “oh.. I am very lucky because my parents won’t be able to compare me to my relatives” but that’s not true. My mom compares me to her co-workers’ sons and daughters. This started ever since I was in middle school, ranging from which school I got accepted in to my grades, behavior, attitude, my weight, skin, and even my hobbies.
Now… many people would argue that comparisons would make their own child be more competitive and do better in life but I want to say that is not true. A person should find their own competition and their own goal in life. A parent’s job should be to guide and support their child not give them stress, negative comments, and create competitions. Your son or daughter might be hardworking and fine now but are they happy in life? Do they despise you? Because there are times where I have thoughts that I despise my own parents even though I know they just want the best for me.
I have heard this statement many times already:
“Justin is going to be a doctor, and my other co-worker’s daughter is doing Nursing like why would you even choose Business as a major?!”
My mother crushed my dreams.
Many people have asked me “What do I like to do?” or “What would I like to major in?”
but that question will forever be unanswered in my heart because my mother have constantly downgraded me and compared me to her co-workers’ sons and daughters, claiming how they have chose nursing, law, engineering or they went to Baruch, Hunter…”why did you transfer to Brooklyn College? It is such a bad school compare to the rest. What is wrong with you?” Comments like these have made me doubt my decisions, blinded me in what I genuinely want to do and pursue in life.
I just want to keep this post short but send a message. Let us choose our own path. Be there to support us. Parents have the right to give suggestions but don’t compare us. Let us find our own hardships. Let us experience our own harsh world but don’t be the one to create it. There will always be another person who is better than your own child and it is a never ending cycle. There are different ways to encourage your child to do better in school, to have a successful career and have a wonderful life.
There are many successful people in today’s society who didn’t have a STEM major. JUST SAYING.
With Love, J.